I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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