I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
