I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
