His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
