I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
