It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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