I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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