It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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