Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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