i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
