mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
