11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
