puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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