Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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