he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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