K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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