I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
