i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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