Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
