Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
