I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
they're like a gay fantastic four
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
