I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize