and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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