Sry I called you an 8
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
