I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think I just sharted jello shots
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
