I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
