my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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