He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
