Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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