I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
