Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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