So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
