This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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