its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
