no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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