I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
