God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
