so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
