sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
