well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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