I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
