you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
