When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hippo gnu deer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize