I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
