I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
