Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
