absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I am puke
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
