I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
