What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
