your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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