as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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