as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
