So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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