dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
