Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
