Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
