can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize