I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
