just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
