You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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