If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
