The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
