Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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