Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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