So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
