Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize