Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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