Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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