So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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