ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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