This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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