did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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