I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
