Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
