Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
